The Final (Rap) Entry...tear.

Yo saibaidee,

This is my last blog entry

I’ve got so much to say

Playing catch up...

While eating pizza with ketchup,

I’ve been living it up,

Realizing I only have a month left,

Everything in these lines

I’m trying to capture

And share the little things I’m experiencing

I’m trying to wrap my head around

What I’ll be taking away from my 10 months in Laos

I’ve traveled here and there

Exploring everything out there

I came here to learn and teach

Not necessarily here to preach

What I came here to learn

Is the Lao way of life

In the beginning of my journey here

I really had no connection,

With the country,

The culture,

Especially the people

I wasn’t sure how to act

Or make friends,

Scared and afraid of how people would perceive me

Now I find myself hanging out with Lao people all the time,

In the blazing hot weather,

While they wear their long sleeve sweater,

Chillaxing over thum mee,

Enjoying their loving company

In this land locked country,

Lao people like to eat, drink, and sleep,

Eat, drink, and sleep some more

And repeat this all over again,

In one day or more,

Lao people are so beautiful

Inside and out

Especially the ladies

Got my jaw dropping

Every time I pass them

In their traditional Lao sin

Ohhh...baby,

Be my girlfriend,

Maybe

My wife in the future

And then you’ll be in America with me

Actually I got crush on a particular Lao lady,

Is it taboo,

Or am I a fool

In this game of love

Or is it just puppy love

Well whatever it is

It just happened to happen

And I’m loving it

I got the chance

To understand

Or simply be aware

Of what the heart of a Lao lady needs,

Or actually of any lady

She just wants to have a man,

Who will truly love her

And only her

Love her,

Always and forever

Yeah,

Sure,

I love you

And only you,

Always and forever,

But the real truth to reality is

It is easier said than done,

There’s a young Lao lady,

She says she will never get married,

Be single forever,

When in fact

She’s just scared

To let herself to be loved

And to love again,

Cause she did before,

And she only got her heart-broken

The man only wanted

What he wanted in demand

So then he got married,

With different lady

Not giving enough respect

To her own demand

Wow, such a gentleman

And now she doesn’t want

To be hurt again

With that

I believe I understand

Her feelings and thoughts

To be a real gentleman

I have much respect for her

On where she stands

A lady like her

Should not be taken in demand

Then she said

If there is to be a next man

He must have a big heart

I turn around and asked her

What is a big heart

He must love me and only me

You would only know if he has a big heart

If you,

Yourself,

Is willing to open your heart,

Big enough to let him show you,

How big his heart is

Trust me,

If your heart isn’t big enough,

His heart isn’t going to be big as well,

A big heart

Is only as big as your heart will be

If you understand what I mean by this

You’ll know

And understand me

So

Small talk with Ms. Les-a-lisa,

Sharing our thoughts and feelings

Same, same but different experience

Oh so unique and beautiful

Here we are

Discovering more of who we are

I really truly found more of who I am

I’m just some Asian kid from Northeast Oklahoma man

Straight up eastside homies

A kid who could sweet talk his way of getting a fancy scholarship through an essay,

To teach English in a foreign country

Hitting quarter of a century this year,

Back on April 6, 2012

The big 2-5 years I am

Oh time sure flies,

So

Am I American

Am I Hmong

Or is it the other way around

Some people believe I’m Japanese

Or even Korean,

Matter of fact my ancestors are Chinese

There are times I think I have it hard

When in fact I have little to no clue to what is means to be living hard...

I ain’t got nothing compared to what my parents faced

They had to run away leaving their homes...

Literally fleeing through the jungles and swimming across the mother river in darkness

With guns shots in the background showing no kind of goodness

Drawing a deep connection to my soul and my spirit

I ask myself these 3 simple questions,

One,

What does the heart really need to live and survive,

Two,

What is my greatest fear in life,

And three,

What is my biggest desire in my life which I can and will never have

Alright then

You wanna play a game of life...

Here it is

Let’s see if you can truly answer these 3 questions to be able to understand

And draw a deep connection to the life of a man

Which is me

The young man that I am

Too much, so much, very much has happened...

I have been living it up these past few months

Realizing I’m going to be leaving soon...

June 29^th

Back to the US of A...

Excited I am,

But sad to say

That I’ll be leaving

Because I’ve been so happily enjoying the present moments given to me...

I want to stay...

Maybe even forever...

Why is it that I always find myself

Back here in this place

This part of the world

Having such a deep connection

I’m happy here

Why don’t I just stay here

What’s stopping me

What’s holding me back

Me,

Myself,

Who’s holding back

Scared,

Unsure of my future

But I keep telling myself

Not to worry so much

Just let it be and be free

You know what I mean

I’m afraid to be who I am...

To really be me...

But that’s ok...

At least I know this

And I’m willing and trying to overcome this fear....

I’m not perfect, but being imperfect is what makes me unique

These are some of the lessons I’ve learned,

Apart from the lessons I’ve been teaching in turned.

Thank you Laos,

I’ll be sure to come back again!

Jope!

P.S.
I'm back on Facebook...under John HuajVam Thoj or jht406@gmail.com
Keep in touch!